Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Naps, Reason, Faith and More Naps!

It's been a while since my last post. At least it feels like it to me. This last round of chemo seems to have hit harder then the others. My main issue this time is all the sleeping I do. I know that chemo kills good cells along with the bad cells and if I'm sleeping all the time because my blood cells need to regenerate then it must be working. But it's very much taking that statement in faith. I have no proof to say yes this is working.

I've never been much on organized religion. I totally understand what faith and church mean to other people. The sense of community of belonging. Its very powerful. It's just not for me.

I still struggle sometimes in what my belief and faith are. As much as I'm a science geek I firmly believe in a greater power. I'm just not sure what that power is. Is it God, Budda, fate karma or some Alien species? I don't know. But that's part of what faith is. Believing without knowing, without proof. I do know everything has a purpose and that everything happens for a reason. I just have this compulsion to know what the reason is. It makes for interesting late night conversations with myself.

I don't believe that reason and faith are mutually exclusive. They actually complement each other. It's the blind faith I have issues with. And I'm sort of stuck in a position where I have to take things on blind faith. It's a rather scary position to be in.

So I nap and think and struggle. And nap. And nap some more. Mostly nap.

Sometimes I think trees must have the answer. Their long life gives them a perspective unlike anything else. If only I spoke tree. Ah well. I will continue to leave my doors open and question and believe and have faith that yes there is a reason and yes the chemo is working. And Nap!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Blog Hop and Swap... or is That Swap and Hop?

I apologize for being late posting this.  Life kinda got away from me this week, namely a kitten we -meaning me- picked up.  He's adorable, but with two full grown labs, and another adult cat, it makes for interesting times.  Especially since the only one who really has issues is the kitten.  I think we've decided on Mmrr for a name.

OK, so we only got the kitten last night, but I am the queen of procrastination, and had planned on doing this post last night. lol.  That's life for you.

I took this online course called Building a Creatively Made Business with a whole lot of other creative and wonderful ladies.  Stacey Curry from Star Hitched Wagon came up with the idea of doing an item swap and blog hop.  The last blog hop I did was so much fun, that I said yes to this one. 

The lady I got partnered up with is Carolyn, a fellow Canadian.  What Fun.  I did up two separate pieces for her, and in return she sent me the most wonderful gift in return.

I am not sure how many of you are aware that I am currently going through Chemo for colon cancer.  But I am, and its created a great deal of chaos and change in my life.  That's why I was so thrilled to get what I did from Carolyn.  She took the time to make a gift especially for me.  I had all kinds of little extras with it, and she even took the time to scent the blanket with aromas that promote healing and peace.  I am always amazed at the thoughtfulness and support that is gifted to me from people who really are complete strangers.  I only know them through the course and Face Book.  Thank you so much Carolyn for the fabulous gift.  It arrived at just the perfect time for me. 

She sent a prayer shawl/lap blanket (in my favourite colour), a coffee cozy, a book by Beth Moore and some tea.  Yummy soothing delicious tea.  She sent three but used one before I remembered I was supposed to take pictures.  I use the blanket every day to snuggle in.  Its the perfect weight for summer.  I'm always cold, especially since I started Chemo, and this is just perfect to keep me warm without overheating me.

This was so much fun.  Here's the list of the fellow participants.  Please take the time to check them out. Happy Blog Hopping!

Brenda Geiger

Carolyn Carelton

Cathy Purcell

Christa Thomas

Deborah King

Jenna Alexander

Joanne Freeman

Kate Gadd

Lis Dunn

Lisa Lovestrand

Liz Bradley

Mikel Lyman

Pam Klenczar

Renee Ortiz

Renee Sendelbach

Sheila Rumney

Stacey Curry

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Oh Where Did My Mojo Go?

It's been a while since I posted on here. I think I've hit a bit of a motivational roadblock.

I was supposed to have chemo last Monday but they pushed it to tomorrow. Said my blood levels were too low and I needed an extra week to heal. That really threw me for a loop. I'm more of a if this is what's needed lets do it and get done kind of gal. I just want chemo to be done.

Cancer is hard because it's pretty much hidden. Chemo makes you unwell and the side effects are no fun but unless you have the more visible side effects you could conceivably hide it from everyone.

I don't like to hide things so when people I know ask me how I'm doing I say very tired. When they ask why I tell them. They all react differently. I suppose it could be considered not nice to spring that in a casual conversation, but it shouldn't be. Cancer is far more prevalent then I knew. Lots of people have had it.

I'm not trying to make light of it, it is a serious disease which can be fatal. But so can crossing the street, or flying in a plane or walking in a thunderstorm. It's all about the odds. And I've never really paid attention to them. I don't even know what my odds are with my cancer. Lol. The doctor didn't need to use them to convince me to take chemo. And I don't want to know. I want to focus on living. How long I live is up to fate; it's what I do with the life I have that's important.

It's been an interesting trip so far. I'm discovering what I can and can't do during treatment. I'm learning to say no and I miss working something fierce. I'm filling up the not working thing with art and putting on the odd workshop at the local art centre but for someone who is a working single mom it's hard to have free time.

I think that plays into my lack of motivation. Or maybe it's just a stage that too will pass.

Hopefully in the next few weeks I'll get my mojo back. In the meantime I'm entertaining myself with online dating. Ha! I can't believe how many guys don't know how to read. I get responses from guys looking to hook up when I say I'm not interested in hooking up. It's way too funny. I think I might have to do another post on my adventures in the online dating world.