Tuesday, March 20, 2012


Serendipity is the accident of finding something good or useful without looking for it.  I actually had to look that up.  Serendipity is a beautiful thing, but trying to define it is difficult.  We've all had these moments.  The unlooked for happiness that happens by accident.  An unintended consequence. 

I was sitting in the chemo room on Monday getting treatment and I was trying to occupy myself.  I'm taking a an online art course right now called the Art of Wild Abandonment.  Its a bit of a stretch for me.  I just recently found my arty self.  I've always been a science geek, analytical, logical.  I was taught you were either one or the other, and never should the two meet. Ha!  It turns out the arty side of my brain has been just waiting to get out.  I do however stress one thing and that is that I do not draw.  Its a bit of a mental block for me.  Art yes, colour yes, cut, stencils, trace etc yes.  Draw no.  I decided to take this course because the instructor Junelle Jacobson is an absolute sweet heart who manages to take the fear out of this whole process.  She even calls it sketching.  Now logically I know that sketching and drawing are the same thing, but sketching is a less scary word.  So I'm doing it.  And its not as scary as I thought it would be.

Chemo is turning out like that. Unpleasant yes, uncomfortable yes, down right miserable sometimes yes.  But scary?  Not so much.

Where was I going with this?  Oh yes, I'm sitting in my comfy chair, reclining and sketching and the word "serendipity" just popped into my head.  I'm still trying to figure out why.  I signed up for the course in November, before I got diagnosed.  Is that accident?  No I don't thing so.  I think the accident is my cancer.  And the unlooked for good or usefulness is coming from taking the time to really do the things that give me happiness, like sketching!  who knew?  I certainly didn't.

I'm finding myself looking forward to the unintended good and happiness that will come from this accident, and all unlooked for.  Serendipity. 

I think I'm going to have to rent that movie...I've heard its good and I really like John Cusak. 


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The First Step

Where does one begin?

I've thought a lot about putting fingers to the keyboard and never really gotten around to actually doing it. What would I say? Who would even want to read it? And so I never got around to it.

Then it happened. The big C. Cancer. 42 years old and I have colon cancer. No warning, no symptoms, no signs. Went to BC for Christmas vaction and ended up having emergency surgery Christmas day. Not how I'd intended on spending my holidays, but there it was. And now everything has changed. My whole life is turned upsidedown. And not just mine either. My kids too.

This is making me question everything. I am a big believer in fate and that things happen for a reason. I'm struggling with what's the reason for this. Why did it happen? What on earth could be the purpose. One answer is that Uncle Murphy likes me way too much, but that's too easy.

My sister suggested that I start a blog. If I'm going through this then so are others. And we each have our own unique way of dealing with cancer and struggling with the question of "why me?" She has found all kinds of help and useful insights on parenting by reading blogs. If I do this, if I share this, then I am not alone and neither is someone else. Maybe I'm just fooling myself.

I'm hoping by doing this I will be able to find answers. They may not be the answers, but they will be answers.

So this is my first step on my journey: share my journey.